Under your desk

TEACHER—"Now, Willie, where did you get that chewing gum? I want the truth."

WILLIE—"You don't want the truth, teacher, an' I'd ruther not tell a lie."

TEACHER—"How dare you say I don't want the truth! Tell me at once where you got that chewing-gum."

WILLIE—"Under your desk.

Chemical formula of water

Teacher:what is chemical formula 4 water? John:H I J K L M N O. Teacher:What r u talking? John:yesterday u told it is H to O!!!

Biggest fool

Father's friend: It is too late, you should sleep here at my short baby's room.
Boy thought that baby will disturb him at night so he replied: OK, but i will sleep at another room.
At morning he saw a beautiful girl next to her on breakfast table.
She said: i am baby and who are you?
Boy: I am the biggest fool!

compromise

Man: How did you compromise with your wife?
Husband: She came to me on her feet.
Man: and what she said?
Husband: i was down under the bad and she said come out, i will not say you anything...

He was not David

One day one man was reading a newspaper sitting on balcony of his house. Suddenly he heard a voice saying David your daughter eloped with  a begger.  He get very angry and jump from his balcony. While falling he remember that he dad no daughter , then he remember that he is single then when he was about to hit the ground he remember that his name was not David.

fly in the tea

One day a man order a tea in the tea shop. When he was about to drink the tea he saw a fly in the tea. He become angry and scold the waiter that there was a fly in the tea. The waiter answered were you then expecting a goat in the tea of just 50 cent.

get lost

Boyfriend rushes home: pack ur bag honey,I have won Rs10 millions in a lottery..

GF: Wow!Thailand or Switzerland?

BF:Who Cares? U just pack ur bag & GET LOST..:D

fast food

Two Tigers were resting under a tree

Suddenly A RABBIT

passed very fast

Tiger could not make out

&

Asked

“What was that?”

2nd Tiger smiled & said,

“FAST FOOD

Insurance

Three Insurance salesman were sitting in a restaurant boasting about each companies service.

The first one said, “When one of our insureds died suddenly on Monday, we got the news that evening and were able to process the claim for the wife and had mailed a check on Wednesday evening.

The second one said, “When one of our insured died without warning on Monday, we learned of it in 2 hours and were able to hand-deliver a check the same evening.

The last salesman said, “That’s nothing. Our office is on the 20th floor of a tall building. One of our insured who was washing a window on the 85th floor, slipped and fell. We handed him his check as he passed our floor.

football match between insects and animal

Once there was a football match between insects and animals. In the first half animals score 6 goals but insects can`t score any.

In the second half there was a centipede(an insect having 1oo pairs of legs) playing in the team of insects who score 12 goals and the insects win the match.

Then journal ask the coach of insects why he had not keep the centipede in the ist half. The coach replied yes I wanted him in the ist half but he was wearing boots for his 100 legs till half time.

better in bed

Two guys were discussing the new secretary at their office. John said to Michael: “Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex. She’s a lot better in bed than my wife!”

Two days later. Michael said to John: “Well, I dated her too and we had sex as well, but I still think your wife is better in bed!

condom

Two older women are sitting on a bench waiting for a bus. The first lady takes out a cigarette and starts to smoke. A minute later it begins to rain, so she takes out a condom, cuts off the end, and carefully places it over the cigarette to shield it from the rain. The second lady looks at that and says, “That’s such a good idea, but what is that plastic thing?” “It’s a condom,” The first lady replies. “Well, where can you buy those?” the second lady asks.”Um… Most people buy them at pharmacies.” the first lady replies. So the second lady goes to a pharmacy and walks up to the counter. “Do you guys sell those condom things?” she asks the pharmacist. “Why yes we do,” the pharmacist says a little confused, “Do you know what size you need?”So the lady says, “Well it’s got to fit a Camel.

Try again

18 yr old girl got pregnant, crying,

Mother says: Who was that crap?

Call him.

Half an hour later,a latest model limosine stops in front of their house & a mature grey hair in a vry expensive suit, steps out.

Man:Ur daughter has informed me the problem. However I can’t marry her, but if a girl is born,I offer 2 stores,a villa & 2 millions.

If a boy born, then 2 factories & 5 millions but incase of miscarriage,

What do u suggest I do?”

Mother:Try again sir!

Gynecologist

A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart. When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.

Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him asked: “Why are you laughing?”

“I was thinking about my own funeral” the man replied.

“What’s so funny about that?”

• “I’m a gynecologist.

पहिलो चोटि

ग्राहकले वेटरलाई सोधेछ : तिमिलाई कसरि थाहा भयो कि म यहाँ पहिलो चोटि आएको हुँ भनेर ?
वेटर : किनकि जो ग्राहक यहाँ एक पटक आउँछ त्यसपछि फर्केर कहिलेपनि आउँदैन

वेल्ट बाँध्नुस्

एयर होस्टेज : सबैजनाले आफ्नो आफ्नो वेल्ट बाँध्नुस् ।
एक प्यासेन्जर : मेम पाईजामा लगाउनेले चाहिँ के बाँध्ने ?

उपहार

श्रीमती : तिमि बेहे भन्दा पहिले त कत्ति उपहार ल्याई दिन्थ्यौ अब दिँदैनौ ?
मुन्द्रे : के तिमिले कहिल्यै सुनेकि छेउ माछा जालमा परेपछिपनि माझिले चारो खुवाउछ भनेर ?

On top of mine

During her annual checkup, the well constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.

“Doctor,” she replied shyly,

“I just can’t undress in front of you.”

“All right,” said the physician, “I’ll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you’re through.”

In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness:

“Doctor, I’ve undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?”

“Put them on the chair, on top of mine.