get lost

Boyfriend rushes home: pack ur bag honey,I have won Rs10 millions in a lottery..

GF: Wow!Thailand or Switzerland?

BF:Who Cares? U just pack ur bag & GET LOST..:D

fast food

Two Tigers were resting under a tree

Suddenly A RABBIT

passed very fast

Tiger could not make out

&

Asked

“What was that?”

2nd Tiger smiled & said,

“FAST FOOD

Insurance

Three Insurance salesman were sitting in a restaurant boasting about each companies service.

The first one said, “When one of our insureds died suddenly on Monday, we got the news that evening and were able to process the claim for the wife and had mailed a check on Wednesday evening.

The second one said, “When one of our insured died without warning on Monday, we learned of it in 2 hours and were able to hand-deliver a check the same evening.

The last salesman said, “That’s nothing. Our office is on the 20th floor of a tall building. One of our insured who was washing a window on the 85th floor, slipped and fell. We handed him his check as he passed our floor.

football match between insects and animal

Once there was a football match between insects and animals. In the first half animals score 6 goals but insects can`t score any.

In the second half there was a centipede(an insect having 1oo pairs of legs) playing in the team of insects who score 12 goals and the insects win the match.

Then journal ask the coach of insects why he had not keep the centipede in the ist half. The coach replied yes I wanted him in the ist half but he was wearing boots for his 100 legs till half time.

better in bed

Two guys were discussing the new secretary at their office. John said to Michael: “Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex. She’s a lot better in bed than my wife!”

Two days later. Michael said to John: “Well, I dated her too and we had sex as well, but I still think your wife is better in bed!

condom

Two older women are sitting on a bench waiting for a bus. The first lady takes out a cigarette and starts to smoke. A minute later it begins to rain, so she takes out a condom, cuts off the end, and carefully places it over the cigarette to shield it from the rain. The second lady looks at that and says, “That’s such a good idea, but what is that plastic thing?” “It’s a condom,” The first lady replies. “Well, where can you buy those?” the second lady asks.”Um… Most people buy them at pharmacies.” the first lady replies. So the second lady goes to a pharmacy and walks up to the counter. “Do you guys sell those condom things?” she asks the pharmacist. “Why yes we do,” the pharmacist says a little confused, “Do you know what size you need?”So the lady says, “Well it’s got to fit a Camel.

Try again

18 yr old girl got pregnant, crying,

Mother says: Who was that crap?

Call him.

Half an hour later,a latest model limosine stops in front of their house & a mature grey hair in a vry expensive suit, steps out.

Man:Ur daughter has informed me the problem. However I can’t marry her, but if a girl is born,I offer 2 stores,a villa & 2 millions.

If a boy born, then 2 factories & 5 millions but incase of miscarriage,

What do u suggest I do?”

Mother:Try again sir!